Saturday, August 7, 2010

From the Inside Out

So in about one hour I will be on my way to my very first staff meeting of the year! Super nervous and excited.

I'm excited because this is what I've been working toward all summer with fundraising: being on campus with students. Granted it's only our initial staff meetings but this really gets the ball rolling. Can't wait to see where the Lord leads ASU this semester! 

A good portion of my nervousness, however, is stemming from fear; fear that I will fail the Lord, fail my co-workers; fail students; fail my family; fail myself. I'm afraid I'm disgustingly inadequate.

Earlier my roommate cheered me up and encouraged me by singing to me. She sang several songs including From the Inside Out, one of my absolute favsWhen we were worshipping to this song the Lord reminded me that I will fail but that I can't operate out of fear but out of confidence and trust in Jesus! It's not about me. Lord, John 3:30!

These are some things that I'd rather not share but I wanted this blog to be a true reflection of my life. I'm so thankful the Lord is who He is and that I can have confidence, boldness and courage because He is who He says He is and I am who He says I am: beloved, His child, justified, redeemed, chosen, righteous... and so much more. 

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming....

11 days until I'm officially on campus! Staff meetings start Saturday! Eeeekkk!!! :D 

So I just finished up with a funding appointment and I was asked this question: What will you do if you don't end up fully funded?

A good question. A logical question. I searched for an answer for about 10 seconds and then I realized that I didn't believe I wasn't going to be fully funded. I wholeheartedly believe that God has called me to be on campus and that He, and only He, will bring in every dollar, every cent, that I need to be on campus. 

I spoke these thoughts out loud to the couple I met with. I told them I know this is where God has called me to be. I know because of His word that I will be fully funded. The question is a matter of when.  

Maybe God will do it by Aug. 7 (this upcoming Saturday- eek!) which is when our staff meetings kick off. Maybe it will be Aug. 15 which is my official deadline to be at least 75% funded. Maybe God won't fully fund me until October. Who knows. 

All I can do is continue to meet with people and ask, which seems to get progressively harder by the way; and trustingly, patiently wait. I keep thinking of Exodus 12:35 when God told Moses to tell the sons of Israel to ask the Egyptians for what they needed and the Egyptians gave! It's important to know the Egyptians hated the sons of Israel; they held them captive- in bondage. The Egyptians were the very reason the Israelites were fleeing Egypt! Now, I hope people don't hate me and only give because the Lord has put it upon their hearts, lol, but the point is they (the Israelites) were obedient and asked.  That's what I have to do: ASK. I also know it's not my battle because  it says as much  in 2 Chronicles 20; I just have to show up! 

I praise God for what He has done, what He is doing and what He will do. :)

As of today I'm 64% funded!!!! I'm getting closer. In the past two days it has gone up 2%. I'll get there when God wants me to be there, how He wants me to get there and with who! 

To my fellow Edgemates I know God has the same goodness, faithfulness and lovingkindness for you! Keep persevering; keep trusting; keep asking! 

"So then brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught, whether by word of mouth or by letter from us. Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and word." - 2 Thessalonians 2:15-17 

I also couldn't get this song from Nemo out of my head: